Can I leave my heart in here and travel to London??

That would be the easiest. But still no. I still wouldn't do it. I'd like my family to be proud of me and not just to run away like a coward. I mean I'm not a people pleaser and don't care about what others think or expect of me but still...running away is not an option, not like this right now. I need to forget about my emotions (and how fucked up I feel in here now) and think with my rational mind: no, going to London right now is not a good idea. Why not? Because most of ALL I want this girl right now, and I want to prove to everyone that I'm not crazy (even though I appear to be to all the 'normal' people) but that I'm perfectly normal and that I can fit in in this crazy society. That's my primal goal at the moment. To fit in. Not by acting like everyone else, no , not that kind of fitting in, but going in the other direction (and awakening) that I'm going to and still be able to find friends, have a girlfriend and GIG somewhere, cause that's what comedians do. And I don't need London to do that. I can do it here. It's harder, but it's a challenge right there. Can you do it? And will you? YES I WILL! :D

Actually, It's a win-win situation for me (let's call it that way). If we make it out and fall in love, I'll stay here, if not, I'll fly to London finally...Okay, we'll see... But I don't want to go yet. The Universe conspired things to make them happen like this. We've got to respect the universe. Who are we to spite the universe? That's unhealthy...

Going to London...ooooor...???

So this is how the story goes...My biggest wish was going to London. But priorities (that I can't have influence on) have changed. Now my top priority is making HER my girlfriend. And she lives in Croatia like me, not in London ehh. Yes, that's it.  So going to London and to try and live in London is my second priority now. Right after that. Ok, universe, I hope you know what you're doing cause if not you screwed me BIG TIME. And I mean BIG TIME. Hehe jk, there's not a lot to loose. Just some time. And time is precious. So they say.  If only life could be simpler. But, be careful what you wish for, they say also. Eh, so right now...I'm a bit confused cause all I ever wanted (at least for the last 2.5 years) was to go to London and try the comedy circuit. And now she walks in my life. Or did I walked into hers?? WE BUMPED INTO EACH OTHER'S LET'S SAY. Cause we really did. Oh God what an amazing moment it was. It's fucked up you know. And I don't mean it in a bad way. It's just fucked up that the Universe works like this. I'm staying here now and I really wanted to go to London. But I just couldn't do it. It would break our heart. Yes i wrote ours, ok? That's what I meant. :) And it's a precious thing, this heart of ours. I finnaly found it...and I don't wanna loose it, misplace it or do something silly with it. Cause it's just not worth it. The Universe (or call it God, John Lennon or St. Mother Theresa) dealt us those cards and it's on us to just play along. Not with our hearts though, but with our cards. And I love my cards, wouldn't exchange em for any others. Not even the ones with 0 points. It's just not worth it. I shall keep em. To myself... and to the precious few, that bump into me on my road to nowhere...just like she did. Hope she will stay. <3 :)

Good night my fellows

btw. I like where this is going. I felt like she needs some time and space (like- leave me the fuck alone feeling), I can sense that. And that's ok. I'll respect that and take it slow.