Can I leave my heart in here and travel to London??

That would be the easiest. But still no. I still wouldn't do it. I'd like my family to be proud of me and not just to run away like a coward. I mean I'm not a people pleaser and don't care about what others think or expect of me but still...running away is not an option, not like this right now. I need to forget about my emotions (and how fucked up I feel in here now) and think with my rational mind: no, going to London right now is not a good idea. Why not? Because most of ALL I want this girl right now, and I want to prove to everyone that I'm not crazy (even though I appear to be to all the 'normal' people) but that I'm perfectly normal and that I can fit in in this crazy society. That's my primal goal at the moment. To fit in. Not by acting like everyone else, no , not that kind of fitting in, but going in the other direction (and awakening) that I'm going to and still be able to find friends, have a girlfriend and GIG somewhere, cause that's what comedians do. And I don't need London to do that. I can do it here. It's harder, but it's a challenge right there. Can you do it? And will you? YES I WILL! :D

Actually, It's a win-win situation for me (let's call it that way). If we make it out and fall in love, I'll stay here, if not, I'll fly to London finally...Okay, we'll see... But I don't want to go yet. The Universe conspired things to make them happen like this. We've got to respect the universe. Who are we to spite the universe? That's unhealthy...

Going to London...ooooor...???

So this is how the story goes...My biggest wish was going to London. But priorities (that I can't have influence on) have changed. Now my top priority is making HER my girlfriend. And she lives in Croatia like me, not in London ehh. Yes, that's it.  So going to London and to try and live in London is my second priority now. Right after that. Ok, universe, I hope you know what you're doing cause if not you screwed me BIG TIME. And I mean BIG TIME. Hehe jk, there's not a lot to loose. Just some time. And time is precious. So they say.  If only life could be simpler. But, be careful what you wish for, they say also. Eh, so right now...I'm a bit confused cause all I ever wanted (at least for the last 2.5 years) was to go to London and try the comedy circuit. And now she walks in my life. Or did I walked into hers?? WE BUMPED INTO EACH OTHER'S LET'S SAY. Cause we really did. Oh God what an amazing moment it was. It's fucked up you know. And I don't mean it in a bad way. It's just fucked up that the Universe works like this. I'm staying here now and I really wanted to go to London. But I just couldn't do it. It would break our heart. Yes i wrote ours, ok? That's what I meant. :) And it's a precious thing, this heart of ours. I finnaly found it...and I don't wanna loose it, misplace it or do something silly with it. Cause it's just not worth it. The Universe (or call it God, John Lennon or St. Mother Theresa) dealt us those cards and it's on us to just play along. Not with our hearts though, but with our cards. And I love my cards, wouldn't exchange em for any others. Not even the ones with 0 points. It's just not worth it. I shall keep em. To myself... and to the precious few, that bump into me on my road to nowhere...just like she did. Hope she will stay. <3 :)

Good night my fellows

btw. I like where this is going. I felt like she needs some time and space (like- leave me the fuck alone feeling), I can sense that. And that's ok. I'll respect that and take it slow.

She is still here...

...In my mind though...I keep thinking about her. I never realised that this situation could of happen, of my visit to the psychiatry that I would meet maybe a love of my life and maybe a stranger just passing by...will see...but you see, you never know which cards life (or God) deals you, and you can expect nothing! Yet everything! It's so weird. Was any of you in such a situation? Feel free to message me on Twitter, or don't...hhehe...:D It's totally weird and unbearable...I don't know the income and that's what it's itching me. ehhhh maybe I should tell her more that I like her? What should I do? I mean, she gave me all the signals, kissed me in the mouth, hugged me a zillion times, told me that she loves my company, whispered to my ear once when we were in a company that she is gonna "get that anger out of me"... she did all of that in such a nice, sensible way. Now it's my turn. Or our turn. I don't know. What does her boyfriend think. I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings. Maybe I'm just thinking too much ahead. Yeah definitely. I called her out on a theatre play and now we will see, I'm waiting for her reply, she said she might of come perhaps. So, we'll see what the stars say...It's all written up there anyway. At least we have this honest and intimate (but quiet) relationship. :P hehe. Love you guys! :)

She was here

(To understand this post, please read the one before. )

She was here, yet, like she wasn't. This must be horrible for her. Seeing one man and having feeling for the other. Maybe it feels good to her, too. I don't know, I'm not her so how could I know? Ok, relax, relax, heheh, I get all tensed up just thinking about the 1000000 versions that could happen out of THIS. "THIS" that only I and her know. We know each other like for a million years. It's strange. I mean it's not. I read that that's how two soul mates and twin flames feel. Exactly the same. I bet she feels it too. I can feel it. This connection we have is something real. It's not just some passing thing. It won't pass. Not like that. It's been lasting for 7 months already for God's sake. We gotta do something about it. And yeah, we arranged that going to the theatre play finally, FINALLLYYYYYYY. She also asked me if I had any girlfriends and what does my perfect girlfriend look like; I replied: She must have integrity, be honest, she must have an open heart and be open for communication, empathic and compassionate. All that she is.

I belive she is confused. She doesn't know which one to choose, either me or her current boyfriend. But I believe that's normal, to be a little confused. We all want to know the future, yet nobody can predict it exactly as it will be and that makes us anxious, plus the only idea that she has to choose now, after being 10 years in a relationship, can be overwhelming for her. But I, as my 30 year old cousin too think that she is strong enough for it and that she is gonna make the right choice. whatever it will be. And you, out there, if you're in some kind of dilemma, I double dare you mother fucker to look at this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AN_OTA_keQ . And if you're in some kind of doubt, this video is for you. It's not just some kind of Budhistic new age bullshit crap to brainwash you and make you believe something else, it really resonates with who you really are and "talks to your being". Mooji is great, just don't watch him too much cause you can get some headache, as I did and, just don't ,ok. One video is enough, don't cross the line, please, for God's sake. That's it my fellows, enough internet for today. Hear ya all next time, and let me know if you liked the blog on twitter.

She needs some time, all she needs is some time, right?

P.S. I love you.

Ciaoooo

Yours sincerely,

a 23 years old. ;D

Not a typical love story......

So, here goes the story. I was locked up on a psychiatry for minor problems with anger (I flipped at my uncle and he got scared, nothing serious). So, there I was for a few weeks. As soon as I came there, there she was! "Hi"- she said... a psychiatrist, wanted to talk to me (because she had to). "Hello", I replied...AND I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT FEELING I HAD, AN IMMEDIATE CONNECTION to her, sparkles everywhere around us, you could feel that. My dark psychiatry days were suddenly blossomed and shined by the beauty of her soul. I don't know what happened there, but something did. Sooooo...as I went out of the psychiatry 2 weeks after, as my family got scared for me (because of my uncle), they decided to take a psychiatrist for me, and I picked her (of course). I mean she is sooooooo lovely! She let me massage her hand in the psychiatry I will never forget that good vibes we shared. So, after that, I continued to see her at my home. The sparkles were just sprinkling around as we went on to communicate on our sessions...we did that for 7 months, every week. once in a week. After 2-3 months she suggested that we go out on a drink, but I got a bit scared because I'm only 23 and she is around 30 and I have no experience with that women. Sooooooo, long story short we kept on sharing the good vibrations and my soul felt so attracted to her (I believe she feels the same). I love everything about her. Except one thing: she has a boyfriend. WRAH! Story killer, I know. She told me that not long time ago. I felt devastated, but that's life. Now we keep seeing each other on our sessions and I'll call her once again on that drink because she seems so nice. What do you say? Best of luck? Well, thank you, thank you... :) :) Hear you soon ppl. I got a question, btw.: When is she gonna be mine???