My massive awakening

So...this is how the story goes. My awakening happened spontaneously, I had some sort of enlightment (Kundalini awakening) and it happened in my really hard times + with the consumation of weed. Since then, nothing is the same. I mean, nothing! Friends, my beliefs, thoughts about the world, myself and my ideals just changed, I am a complete new person, changed 180' or better yet a 98% approximately. And it reflects on my life. Before the awakening, which happened in 2014, so almost 3 years ago, I was in University, studying economy, doing nothing and listening to my family. Hahahah this sounds insane, I know. But I had to go through it to understand how silly I was. So this is the new me, my new life now: I'm still single, BUUT, awakened, feeling inspired in each and every cell of my body, ready to make some (DRASTIC) changes with my life. And before I wasn't. Before I was blindly following the Matrix or as would George  Carlin say: I was on autopilot. Then I started to meditate, and my consciousness slowly unfolded and showed me my right path, the path of my heart. So here I am standing now, enlightened and awake as I would say, even though I don't like those terms, I like to consider myself as normal- in an insane world. You know what I mean. :) I'm doing art right now (I'm a comedian) and am following my true souls purpose!!! And I'm proud of myself. More than anybody else is. For this is who I am, and I am changing for no one. Not even for the psychiatrist I'm in love with (that you read about in previous posts) nor for the love of my life, or for anyone's expectation of me. This is who I am. Take it or leave it.

She was here

(To understand this post, please read the one before. )

She was here, yet, like she wasn't. This must be horrible for her. Seeing one man and having feeling for the other. Maybe it feels good to her, too. I don't know, I'm not her so how could I know? Ok, relax, relax, heheh, I get all tensed up just thinking about the 1000000 versions that could happen out of THIS. "THIS" that only I and her know. We know each other like for a million years. It's strange. I mean it's not. I read that that's how two soul mates and twin flames feel. Exactly the same. I bet she feels it too. I can feel it. This connection we have is something real. It's not just some passing thing. It won't pass. Not like that. It's been lasting for 7 months already for God's sake. We gotta do something about it. And yeah, we arranged that going to the theatre play finally, FINALLLYYYYYYY. She also asked me if I had any girlfriends and what does my perfect girlfriend look like; I replied: She must have integrity, be honest, she must have an open heart and be open for communication, empathic and compassionate. All that she is.

I belive she is confused. She doesn't know which one to choose, either me or her current boyfriend. But I believe that's normal, to be a little confused. We all want to know the future, yet nobody can predict it exactly as it will be and that makes us anxious, plus the only idea that she has to choose now, after being 10 years in a relationship, can be overwhelming for her. But I, as my 30 year old cousin too think that she is strong enough for it and that she is gonna make the right choice. whatever it will be. And you, out there, if you're in some kind of dilemma, I double dare you mother fucker to look at this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AN_OTA_keQ . And if you're in some kind of doubt, this video is for you. It's not just some kind of Budhistic new age bullshit crap to brainwash you and make you believe something else, it really resonates with who you really are and "talks to your being". Mooji is great, just don't watch him too much cause you can get some headache, as I did and, just don't ,ok. One video is enough, don't cross the line, please, for God's sake. That's it my fellows, enough internet for today. Hear ya all next time, and let me know if you liked the blog on twitter.

She needs some time, all she needs is some time, right?

P.S. I love you.

Ciaoooo

Yours sincerely,

a 23 years old. ;D

Not a typical love story......

So, here goes the story. I was locked up on a psychiatry for minor problems with anger (I flipped at my uncle and he got scared, nothing serious). So, there I was for a few weeks. As soon as I came there, there she was! "Hi"- she said... a psychiatrist, wanted to talk to me (because she had to). "Hello", I replied...AND I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT FEELING I HAD, AN IMMEDIATE CONNECTION to her, sparkles everywhere around us, you could feel that. My dark psychiatry days were suddenly blossomed and shined by the beauty of her soul. I don't know what happened there, but something did. Sooooo...as I went out of the psychiatry 2 weeks after, as my family got scared for me (because of my uncle), they decided to take a psychiatrist for me, and I picked her (of course). I mean she is sooooooo lovely! She let me massage her hand in the psychiatry I will never forget that good vibes we shared. So, after that, I continued to see her at my home. The sparkles were just sprinkling around as we went on to communicate on our sessions...we did that for 7 months, every week. once in a week. After 2-3 months she suggested that we go out on a drink, but I got a bit scared because I'm only 23 and she is around 30 and I have no experience with that women. Sooooooo, long story short we kept on sharing the good vibrations and my soul felt so attracted to her (I believe she feels the same). I love everything about her. Except one thing: she has a boyfriend. WRAH! Story killer, I know. She told me that not long time ago. I felt devastated, but that's life. Now we keep seeing each other on our sessions and I'll call her once again on that drink because she seems so nice. What do you say? Best of luck? Well, thank you, thank you... :) :) Hear you soon ppl. I got a question, btw.: When is she gonna be mine???

Going to UK

SOOOOOO
This this is how I feel right now. I MUST GET OUT OF THIS COUNTRY. I MUST GET OUT OF THIS COUNTRY. And it's not such a good feeling you know..It's big discomfort and I'm nervous a lot. I just can't pay my rent here by doing stand up comedy, I hope time will change and I will develop as a comedian and can do gigs here for money, nice money. Untill then, I must go to London...the best way to do it is just to chop everyone quickly quickly.
I just realized that nobody is holding me here. Yet it's not simple, please if someone has gone out of their country, let me know how you felt. I do not like to immigrate. And all the people there will look at me like a weird guy, but at least I'll be a gentleman there, a comedian, and here I'm literally no one. My mother thinks I'm some kind of a punk and it's impossible to live out of comedy here. I think my parents are gonna be mad at me, and I don't like that. I know I'll stay friends with some people even though I'm going there. And I believe it's all gonna workout. It's gonna be great in London, I feel it already, it's my prognosis. But still I'm afraid and it feels awkward.
Also, there's no one to push me to London, I need to do it alone, everyone I know will just want me to stay here so that's not bug help. I need to be my own inspiration and support.
Just wanted to share my opinion with others that feel the same, that understand me cause they're on the same path.

Peace :D :D

Peace :D :D

SMART ASS

I hate myself that I'm like this. A WEEEEIIIRRRD thing happened today. I was yelling on my friend who ows me money to give me back my money. And then I realised: he's fucked up and I'm fucked up the same way he is. And I'm yelling at him. I should yell at myself. So, I was thinking half an hour later how I'm mirroring it all back to myself. He's a mirror to me. I should be more responsible, serious in life GOD DAMN IT, IT'S LYFE, it's not some crazy rollercoaster of mine, I need to get out there and fight. And that's what I'm gonna do. And I'm gonna succed.

I'm not normal

To be normal is to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.- someone once said.
I just started writing statuses on Facebook and revealing myself and people started to like me for who I am, for how imperfect and AWESOME I AM. THANK YOU LORD FOR THAT.
It's a great thing to start expressing yourself to the world. While the awakening is happening to me, some "old people" that are slipping away, and thank God for that, and then I thought: how am I ever gonna meet anyone new if I don't post my real side on Facebook. Facebook is made for connecting, for spreading your circle, and now I get it. Thanks my role models i watch on youtube for inspiration.
YOU'RE BIG. YOU'RE BIG. YOU'RE BIG. Much greater than yout think.

Peace & love

Meet me at the Hostel Motel Holiday Inn

Today I met a crazy guy. I pissed off on his wife over the phone when she double raised the rent in a minute, so he threatened me to find me and "deal with me". Oh come on, what is this, Wild west?? Actually, I live on the Balkans, so, yeahh, almost. I called back when to apologize for losing my temper. Still nothing. He wants to get a piece of me. Let's look at this situation once again...So I lost my mind over a woman? Is it so inoppropriate to say "fuck you" to a woman that wants to make a "business" with you or better said take you the last nickle you have and is a soulless bastard? Well, that's not fair. Feminism. Everyone is yelling everywhere "we are women, we have rigths." Someone raises tone and where is your feminist power now? She calls her husband. Oh, fuck it, a crazy world. -And just when I thought about it, and decided not to hang out to boys anymore (I don't like them anyway)- amazing thing happens. I go into Hostel, lock myself in the room wanting some peace and open Facebook. Start texting with a random unknown guy that responded to my post in a group where I asked for advice for a job. And we were chatting an hour about it, he told me everything about the job I was dying to work at, connects me to a guy and now I'm waiting for a call from a director!!!!! Hope she isn't some 'loussy feminist" like the one on the phone, but a real, strong woman. Anyhoooow,
2 minutes later, just as I wished that no one comes to the hostel so I can be alone, a new guest came to sleep in my room for the night! WHAT A SURPRISE! A real guy! a little nervous, but it's the weather on here. Not a shallow person like those bartenders and anyone walking the street saluting everyone- talking about NOTHING. No, not that shallow person... After few yatta, yatta, we went on to the real thing: He told me he is separated and came to see his 15 year old daughter on here. So we talked about his daughter, and how my parents are separeted, and I realized how lucky I was having my father and lucky to still have him- gonna call him tomorrow for help with the crazy-phone-guy. And this guy is the proof that not all people are that crazy like the guy over the phone. But need to learn how to deal with the ones that are, without being too violant, that leads no where. And I don't think I could give harder injuries to someone, it's my good soul. But how to make those crazy people back off then? Weirdo bring it on, I'm ready.
Anyways, it's been nice talking to you roomie, and good night to you all out there, wherever you are below the sky,
Nighty night