I'm staying!!!!!!! Not going anywhere

Sooooo...the decision finally came. And it wasn't actually decision. A recognition accured inside... I'm not going to London! Not for now (or ever :D) heheh yes, just like that! I realized that 'London' was that ideal place in my head where there were no worries and it is ideal for me and my carrier and my life- BUT I REALIZED- NO, that's not it. I want to stay here and promote stand up comedy. Work on building myself as a comedian and then the whole comedy scene in the country. Yes, that's it. I can finally feel it. That's what I want a 10000000%. London was merely an illusion in my head. A place with no problems and no worries. Actually, it was an illusion of a better tommorrow. And it doesn't really exist. Not the way I pictured it! It doesn't exist! It was an illusion. My 'London', my dream life is right here, I need to create it, anyway I can. Through all the pain and tough roads, and if there aren't any roads, I need to build them, with my team of people- that also don't exist, but will appear, I know it in my heart. This is what I came here to do and I'm ready for it! :D :D 2x2=4 finally I get it. It's all clear in my head now. Just need to put some words into action and bzzzzzzzt- that's it!!!!!!

Good luck to you all on building new roads on your way to....who knows where....above us sky.

Keep quiet people. I salute you all!

Sweet dreams, :)

Peace & love :)

Stay united and awesome just the way you are

She came in through the bathroom window...

That's a name of a Beatles song, ya know?? :D But, yeah, we went to that theatre play that we arranged. She brought her cousins. We had a nice time. Hehe. It's all going in a smoothe, nice direction I'd say. Things are boling more and more between me and her...and I love it. And she does too. It's like that beautiful soulfull connection that makes my spirit come alive. It's amazing! We have to wait now. Sorry, but yeah, that's the procedure. We exchanged some beautiful texts saying how great the other person is and showing each other support and from now on, it's not on us anymore. We'll let the Universe do it's work. The Universe knows if it's worth it or better not. It's not up to me to manage the Universe, as Mooji said. Keep quiet and let things unfold in front of your eyes. That's my motto now

Keep quiet and love you all!!! :))))))



Be good or be bad. Be silly instead.
Do whatever. Just be happy

She was here again!!

Ok, so today I asked her: would you like to live anywhere but in Croatia, maybe London, NY, Paris? And she said that she would like to live in London also, because of the many cultures and the energy or so on. OMG I can't believe she said that. I'm so happy! :) Do you know what that means?? We both have the same dreams!!! Yoohooo!!!!! And she was so nice, and calm yet excited to see me. We are finally going to that theatre play this Monday. Can't wait to go. And she can't either. Oh then, just when I get excited, there's him in my head, asking me: what are you so excited about. "Him" being her boyfriend. That son of a bitch. But, it had to be that way, the Universe wanted it to happen, if it didn't we wouldn't meet on that such unusual place in such an unusual time, it's like that song that says: "the biggest things in your life are the things that never cross your worried mind, that leave you blindsized on 4 pm on some idle Tuesday." That's exactly how it was! She left me speechless, and she still does, every time she enters the room. It's like being in a 7 star hotel when I'm with her. The whole Universe stops, everybody stops, I believe fishes don't swimm and birds don't fly and I just sit there and look at her and think to myself: my God, what a gorgeous, beautiful, and amazingly smart innocent woman that is. What attracts me to her so much. I don't know...how about everything??! E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. Everything. Believe me

Falling in love is magical

It's all ok untill you loose your mind. I tell you. Whole life seems ideal, everything is so simple, rational, clearly thinkable with your mind but no. Your heart says "no". And from there on, a completely different story. Falling in love, that crazy story.  We're so crazy, madly in love and only thing holding us back is her boyfriend. But, it doesn't matter. What needs to happen, will find it's way through. Be like a bamboo, said Bruce Lee. hehe :D But, it's fine. It's fine just the way it is. And it's moving. I can feel it. Slowly but surely. We have a slow pace, a slow tempo that suits both of us right now. I surely don't wanna be rushing in while she is still with someone else, and I'm an introvert, I love taking things slow, really slow. So the tempo is fine for me. But the magic, oh the magic is there and I can feel the vibe with every atom of my body. I won't lie to you. Every time she walks in, hugs me, when we spend time together it's like a crazy wind blowing in through my feet, through my whole body, right to my heart, where it meets hers. That is where the magic is happening, the last three weeks more than ever before. It's like we've met each other more and that's why we're even closer to each other. She must be some kind of magical woman, from some other planet, just like I feel I am sometimes- from some outer galaxy :D :D

That's it for now,

Keep quiet :D

I salute you with all my heart

Can I leave my heart in here and travel to London??

That would be the easiest. But still no. I still wouldn't do it. I'd like my family to be proud of me and not just to run away like a coward. I mean I'm not a people pleaser and don't care about what others think or expect of me but still...running away is not an option, not like this right now. I need to forget about my emotions (and how fucked up I feel in here now) and think with my rational mind: no, going to London right now is not a good idea. Why not? Because most of ALL I want this girl right now, and I want to prove to everyone that I'm not crazy (even though I appear to be to all the 'normal' people) but that I'm perfectly normal and that I can fit in in this crazy society. That's my primal goal at the moment. To fit in. Not by acting like everyone else, no , not that kind of fitting in, but going in the other direction (and awakening) that I'm going to and still be able to find friends, have a girlfriend and GIG somewhere, cause that's what comedians do. And I don't need London to do that. I can do it here. It's harder, but it's a challenge right there. Can you do it? And will you? YES I WILL! :D

Actually, It's a win-win situation for me (let's call it that way). If we make it out and fall in love, I'll stay here, if not, I'll fly to London finally...Okay, we'll see... But I don't want to go yet. The Universe conspired things to make them happen like this. We've got to respect the universe. Who are we to spite the universe? That's unhealthy...

Going to London...ooooor...???

So this is how the story goes...My biggest wish was going to London. But priorities (that I can't have influence on) have changed. Now my top priority is making HER my girlfriend. And she lives in Croatia like me, not in London ehh. Yes, that's it.  So going to London and to try and live in London is my second priority now. Right after that. Ok, universe, I hope you know what you're doing cause if not you screwed me BIG TIME. And I mean BIG TIME. Hehe jk, there's not a lot to loose. Just some time. And time is precious. So they say.  If only life could be simpler. But, be careful what you wish for, they say also. Eh, so right now...I'm a bit confused cause all I ever wanted (at least for the last 2.5 years) was to go to London and try the comedy circuit. And now she walks in my life. Or did I walked into hers?? WE BUMPED INTO EACH OTHER'S LET'S SAY. Cause we really did. Oh God what an amazing moment it was. It's fucked up you know. And I don't mean it in a bad way. It's just fucked up that the Universe works like this. I'm staying here now and I really wanted to go to London. But I just couldn't do it. It would break our heart. Yes i wrote ours, ok? That's what I meant. :) And it's a precious thing, this heart of ours. I finnaly found it...and I don't wanna loose it, misplace it or do something silly with it. Cause it's just not worth it. The Universe (or call it God, John Lennon or St. Mother Theresa) dealt us those cards and it's on us to just play along. Not with our hearts though, but with our cards. And I love my cards, wouldn't exchange em for any others. Not even the ones with 0 points. It's just not worth it. I shall keep em. To myself... and to the precious few, that bump into me on my road to nowhere...just like she did. Hope she will stay. <3 :)

Good night my fellows

btw. I like where this is going. I felt like she needs some time and space (like- leave me the fuck alone feeling), I can sense that. And that's ok. I'll respect that and take it slow.

She is still here...

...In my mind though...I keep thinking about her. I never realised that this situation could of happen, of my visit to the psychiatry that I would meet maybe a love of my life and maybe a stranger just passing by...will see...but you see, you never know which cards life (or God) deals you, and you can expect nothing! Yet everything! It's so weird. Was any of you in such a situation? Feel free to message me on Twitter, or don't...hhehe...:D It's totally weird and unbearable...I don't know the income and that's what it's itching me. ehhhh maybe I should tell her more that I like her? What should I do? I mean, she gave me all the signals, kissed me in the mouth, hugged me a zillion times, told me that she loves my company, whispered to my ear once when we were in a company that she is gonna "get that anger out of me"... she did all of that in such a nice, sensible way. Now it's my turn. Or our turn. I don't know. What does her boyfriend think. I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings. Maybe I'm just thinking too much ahead. Yeah definitely. I called her out on a theatre play and now we will see, I'm waiting for her reply, she said she might of come perhaps. So, we'll see what the stars say...It's all written up there anyway. At least we have this honest and intimate (but quiet) relationship. :P hehe. Love you guys! :)